A Fan’s Wishlist for A New Cast Member on The Real Housewives of NYC®
Dear Bravo, I think you may need my help
To put it kindly, this current season of the Real Housewives of New York City ("RHONY") has failed to impress viewers. Usually, I flock to my couch on summer Tuesdays at 9 p.m, ready with my bowl of Ben and Jerry's to watch this Bravo classic. If Bravo is my church, then RHONY is my priest– sexually uncomfortable, a terrible singer, and knows no difference between alcohol and blood. I have condemned RHONY for trite storylines, wrinkled my nose at Ramona's potty problems, and gawked in horror at Dorinda's meanness, yet I have remained a weekly viewer.
This season, however, is testing the bounds of my loyalty– and, let me warn you Bravo, my loyalty is not boundless.*
I need a casting shake-up! I am positive at least one new housewife needs to join the cast. I've outlined my wishlist below:
*Okay fine, you got me! My loyalty to Bravo is boundless. I will probably watch RHONY until I die.
MUST not be Leah McSweeney’s Sister
No hate, but one of the McSweeney girls is more than enough. I am not eager to see RHONY morph into a family saga. Bravo has Shahs of Sunset and Family Karma for people interested in ongoing familial strife. Sibling drama tends to become all-consuming on these shows, such as Kim and Kyle Richards on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. First and foremost, I come to The Real Housewives to marvel at the beautiful homes and laugh at the relatable dynamics in female friend groups. If I wanted to watch sisters fight over who knows mom better, who dad loved more, or for whom grandma bought better Christmas presents, I would hang out with my own family.
MUST be Old Enough to be my Mom, Not my Grandma
Ramona Singer and Sonja Morgan are closer to my grandmother's age than my mom (for reference I am 20 years old). I would like someone fresher and relatable to me. For example, watching Sonja Morgan make negative comments about tattoos in a recent Salem episode made me cringe. My grandmother said the exact same thing to me last week! Let's move on, we have bigger problems than tattoos! For example, did any of these women know Hilaria Baldwin? What are their thoughts on her scandal?
MUST Have a Vacation Home, Preferably in the Hamptons or the Berkshires
Dorinda Medley's Bluestone Manor left a gaping hole that no housewives' abode has filled! The lower level in Ramona's Hampton home lacks the magic of the mountains. There is something about locking a bunch of city dwellers in a remote country house that breeds nearly effortless television. Bring back the Bezerkshires!
All particular locations aside, placing a group of big personalities on one women's home turf naturally raises the stakes. How will the hostess "make it nice"? How will the guests treat the hostesses' possessions? Will they throw their tiki torches? Who will get the best room?
MUST Have a Genuine, Authentic Friendship With one of the Current RHONY Women
Ingenuine relationships in this season of RHONY are my biggest problem! I am willing to suspend a lot of belief for the sake of the show; I will accept the narrative that the ladies "plan" the vacations or even resign that Leah met Eboni a few weeks before filming. But do the producers really expect me to believe that Ramona and Bershawn had met before the producers thrust them into their black GMC? How dumb do they think I am?
I need real chemistry on my screen. The women's personal histories create fascinating storylines. For example, Ramona's rejection of Elyse was one of the most riveting moments of the previous season. I wanted to explore that more this year– especially after seeing Leah and Elyse hanging out in the Hamptons on Instagram stories! How did Ramona react to that? Furthermore, I believe that Leah performed so well last year as she came onto the show with at least a loose friendship with Tinsley. Their past connection justified Leah's presence, and it presented the audience with a real question — how does one cope when someone introduces a new friend to the group that does not exactly fit the dynamic?
I want to explore the petty deep cuts that could only come from cemented relationships.
MUST have a pet
I love a dog on my television. They never fail to make me smile with their little paws and perky tails! Even more than a dog, I love observing how Housewives interact with their pets. Do they carry their dogs in a purse? Do they take their dog to their healing session? Do they allow their dog to tinkle all over their apartment? One of the most memorable moments from this current season is when Marley crawled all over Sonja's face in her healing session. Watching the Housewives interact with their pets reveals a side of their personality that flipping a table or throwing wine cannot show.
Maybe has a partner
Why is HBO reviving Sex and the City when audiences could watch the exact same storylines play out on RHONY? With single women having too many cocktails talking about how they "like dick,"* these shows are practically identical. I have nothing against single women; I am one myself. For a show called "Housewives," however, it is thirsty for a family. On Beverly Hills and Potomac, which are airing alongside RHONY, some of my favorite scenes involve watching the women with their children. I find watching Candiace Dillard-Basset teach math to her step-children riveting TV!
To clarify, I am not asking Bravo to find a 1950s Housewife straight out of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel; I am inspired by seeing intelligent women wide variety of careers. Introducing a married woman to show would bring a dynamic RHONY has not seen in a long time, perhaps alleviating overdone storylines.
Maybe we get a lesbian housewife. Find someone who doesn't "like dick" and see how Ramona Singer reacts.
I would like to see a married housewife if only to watch another divorce grace my screen.
*Ramona Singer said this in the Hamptons this season, watch the clip here
Maybe is one of Sonja Morgan's interns
Sonja Morgan's revolving door of interns brings consistent confusion and hilarity to RHONY. From running baths to organizing her eyelashes, Sonja's interns do it all! In her own words:
There is something magical about my internship because you can’t learn what I know in the classroom. How to load a dishwasher, how to garden, then there’s the bubble bath. These are not things you’re gonna learn at Wharton.
I am always eager to see who Sonja Morgan has taken under her tutelage each season. Maybe it is time that the student receives a teacher's apple? After working at the Townhouse, there is no doubt that her interns would make expert Houswives.
If we cannot bring an intern onto the show, at the very least I would love a follow-up "Where are They Now" special!
Maybe is Tinsley Mortimer
I loved Tinsey Mortimer from the moment she stepped into Sonja's Townhouse to her final car ride out of Manhattan; even today, my love for her endures. Though admittedly doubtful, I was rooting for her relationship with Scott to last in Chicago. Now that it is over (for good? who knows?), it's time for Tinsley to move back to the Plaza Hotel and return to RHONY! Maybe she can salvage Leah McSweeny's reputation amongst the fans?
What are your thoughts on how Bravo can improve The Real Housewives of New York City?
